


And For Backstory, I Will (not) Pepper In the Fact That I Am Bi

by orphan_account



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Bisexuality, Coming Out, F/M, Internalized Biphobia, Multi, Pre-Relationship, References to past sexual encounters, hawke isn't an asshole for once, me shaking my fist at the writers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-23
Updated: 2019-10-23
Packaged: 2020-12-28 22:10:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21144023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Anders wants to tell Hawke that he and Karl were past lovers, but something tells him she would be displeased to know of his leanings. That "something" is wrong.





	And For Backstory, I Will (not) Pepper In the Fact That I Am Bi

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just me shaking my fist at the writers.

“You don’t ask for my terms?” Anders asked her. “What if I were asking for the knight-commander’s head on a spike?”

The warrior woman’s eyes lit up. “Is that what you ask?” She cracked her knuckles, ignoring the disapproving look from her red-haired companion.

_ It could be_, Anders thought to himself. The woman carried a greatsword on her back, but the younger woman standing behind her - her sister? - wielded a staff. And she had said that imprisoning mages was not the way to prevent the rise of another Imperium. Killing the knight-commander might not have been Anders’ immediate goal, but he was certain that if it were, the warrior before him would have her head before he could blink.

“You decide,” he said eventually.

\---

Anders had barely met Hawke, but it had only taken the clanking of approaching templars for that sword to emerge from its sheath on her back. He himself was on fire, just as he had been when he’d left the Wardens, but through the swirls of blue flame, he could just make her out, an armored figure leaping to her sister’s side and slashing her sword, cleaving through the sea of armor that surrounded them both.

_ Just like him… _

Only a few months before, Anders’ final bid for freedom had led him into the company of Warden-Commander Mahariel. He had expected the elf to turn him over to the templars at the first opportunity, but he had paid little mind to Anders’ apostate status and welcomed his help, conscripting him into the Grey Wardens right in front of the templar who meant to capture him. They had become close friends since, cementing their friendship when Mahariel killed Rylock and her company rather than let them lure him with promises of finding his phylactery.

Anders had never hoped to meet anyone like that again. Yet, against all expectations, Hawke was proving to be just as protective of him as the Warden-Commander had been.

\---

“Well, he can’t complain about his looks, anyway.”

He was surprised enough by Hawke’s acceptance of Justice that he almost didn’t register the flirtatious tone of her remark. He opened his mouth to respond, but the words died on his lips.

_ Growing up in the Circle, everything is about order and rules and the templars. The apprentices… we found ways to make that bearable. Karl and I… he was the first. We could forget that out in the world we were nothing but templar slaves. We hadn’t been together for a long time. But still… it hurt. _

That is what Anders almost said. He was sure that that was something he might have said, were the circumstances different. But something told him Hawke wouldn’t be pleased to know he liked men.

“...No,” he managed to say. “Don’t go there. That’s not going to end well. I don’t want to hurt you.”

\---

_ “All I want is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools!” _

_ Mahariel gave him a crooked smile. “You’re aiming too low.” _

_ “True,” said Anders. “I want a harem, a banquet, and the ability to rain fireballs upon every templar in creation.” _

_ The Commander leaned back against the wall, fiddling with the gold hoop in his right ear. “I can’t promise you everything,” he muttered, “but what would you think - hypothetically speaking - of at least two pretty boys and enough food and wine to make a king jealous? Once Zevran comes back from Antiva, of course.” _

An insistent meow from Ser Pounce-a-lot had pulled him away to his quarters before he could respond, but thinking back, he probably would have said yes. The opportunities to truly sleep around had been few and far between, but he had taken much of his refuge in brothels during those last two escape attempts. He had been with various numbers of pretty people in those days, men and women alike, and he had to admit, Mahariel was quite handsome himself.

Speaking of which…

“I keep thinking I know you from somewhere,” Anders remarked to Isabela.

She studied him for a moment. “You’re Fereldan, right? Ever spend time at the Pearl?”

He had, in fact, spent time at the Pearl. So that was where… “That’s it!” An image came to mind of the Denerim brothel and his encounters with the pirate there. “You used to really like that girl with the griffon tattoos, right? What was her name?”

“The Lay Warden?”

Hawke paused in front of them and glanced over her shoulder.

“That’s right! I think you were there the night I-”

“Oh!” Isabela seemed to remember something. “Were you the runaway mage who could do that electricity thing? That was nice…”

Varric cleared his throat behind them. “I don’t think I need to know this about either of you.”

Hawke narrowed her eyes at that, glaring at the dwarf before shaking her head and moving on.

\---

“Coming here of my own free will feels wrong,” Isabela commented as they entered the Viscount’s Keep barracks. “Like diddling a sister.”

“Why?” Bethany asked in exasperation. “Why do you say these things?”

Hawke only smirked at her. “Don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.” She nudged her younger sister affectionately. “I remember how intently you would listen to Sister Leliana’s stories, Bethy dear.”

Bethany’s face flushed red. “That doesn’t mean-” She glanced around for help. “There’s nothing… vulgar about wanting to hear stories!”

Hawke exchanged looks with Isabela and Anders before moving on. Anders glanced at Isabela and they each let out a short laugh.

\---

If he was being honest, Anders envied those who were more forthcoming than himself.

Isabela, for example. She made no secret of having been with women, or men, or anyone, and she was just as forthcoming with him and even with Aveline about it as she was with Hawke.

It was something he envied about Mahariel as well, now that he thought about it. Despite being in a committed relationship with a man, Mahariel had always been forthcoming about past affairs, gleefully regaling Anders with stories about a threesome in the Pearl with a lady pirate or about the unconventional way he’d ended the Blight without dying.

Anders had wanted to tell Hawke about his and Karl’s past relationship. What had stopped him? Did he think it was something she couldn’t possibly relate to? Even if that were true, that had never stopped him before. Was it because she had flirted with him and he thought she would lose interest if she knew he liked men? No, he didn’t want her getting involved with him at all.

The problem, Anders realized, was that he aimed to please. He’d gotten the impression that Hawke would be displeased to know of his leanings, and displeasure was his enemy, especially the displeasure of someone as powerful and leaderly as her. He could speak of his past or his leanings with just about anyone, but not if he risked incurring the displeasure of someone he aimed to please.

But Hawke was good-natured enough towards Isabela, and even towards Bethany about the possibility of her having a crush on a Chantry sister. Would she truly be displeased to know of Anders’ leanings?

He supposed there was only one way to find out, but it wasn’t something he was ready to risk.

\---

Somehow, it was Merrill who brought it up, and without even realizing it.

“Did you ever meet a Dalish Warden?” she asked him one day. “Mahariel?”

Oh, did he ever. “As a matter of fact, I did.” _ We were friends. He might have propositioned me once, but I was interrupted before I could respond and it was never brought up again. _ “Did you know him?”

“We grew up together,” said Merrill. “He was one of my clan. I keep hoping to hear some news…”

Was Anders imagining it, or was there a flush on her cheeks? Best not to mention the almost-threesome, then.

“I wouldn’t get your hopes up.” _ He is in a committed relationship. The terms of said relationship might allow occasional threesomes, but that’s not my call to make. _ “The Hero of Ferelden values privacy rather highly.”

Hawke turned her head at that.

\---

She cornered him later. “You said you knew the Hero of Ferelden?”

“I did,” said Anders. “He was my commander. After I escaped from the Circle, I was captured by the templars, and he conscripted me into the Wardens to help me escape them. He was the friend who gave me Ser Pounce-a-lot.”

A look of confusion crossed the warrior’s face. “I thought the Wardens took away your cat.”

“Only after the Commander left,” Anders clarified. “He had to leave for some reason. I don’t know, it was never explained, probably something to do with the Blight, but while he was gone, the Wardens in charge decided having a cat was making me too soft and made me give him up.” He sighed. “Mahariel would never have let it happen.”

Hawke’s eyes softened. She tilted her head, considering something. “You said you had a friend like me once, one who always dragged you into trouble. Was that him?”

Anders nodded.

She grinned mischievously. “I get the feeling there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Oh no. “Is this about when you said Justice couldn’t complain about his looks?” Anders asked, turning away. “I thought I was clear about not wanting to get involved.”

He couldn’t see her face, but in the periphery of his vision, he could see Hawke folding her arms. “Like I said, I can handle myself around a glowing spirit. You don’t need to worry about hurting me. If you ask me, it’s the templars who should be worried.”

That sounded like a promise.

Might as well bite the rag and say it. He turned to face Hawke once again. “That’s not just it. What I said, about what you saw in the chantry being who I was…” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t just mean the glowing or the anger. I…” He closed his eyes. When he opened them, Hawke was gazing at him expectantly. “Karl was more than just a friend.”

Hawke blinked once. “So what you’re saying is-”

“I like men,” he interrupted. “And women. I’ve been with both. Does that… bother you?”

Hawke smiled. The smile spread and became a grin, and she was laughing from relief with her eyes squeezed shut. “Why should that bother me?” she choked out before the laughter subsided.

Anders let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I don’t know why I thought it would,” he admitted, smiling. “I thought maybe you’d… think less of me? Maker, that sounds stupid now.”

“I should hope I don’t think less of you,” said Hawke, “because I’m the same way.” In response to his raised eyebrows, she clarified, “I like men and women too.”

Relief flooded Anders’ body like one of his healing spells after a difficult fight. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he said. “But don’t think this means I want to get involved, at least not right away. I did recently kill a man I was in love with, remember?” He laughed. It felt so good to say things like that without restraint.

Hawke gave him a gentle smile. “I understand,” she said. “Take all the time you need.”

**Author's Note:**

> It always peeved me that this entire aspect of Anders’ character was hidden from a female Hawke the way it was, but as a bisexual myself, I found it somewhat relatable that he didn’t tell her everything right off the bat. What I found unrelatable was that this was never addressed, meaning Anders could very well get romantically involved with someone who doesn’t know this about him, and that doesn’t sit well with me because there is a lot of trust that goes into any relationship and I personally wouldn’t want to be with someone unless I could trust them with that aspect of myself.


End file.
